Prayer Works!

Hey, fellow Christians, are you tired of having your prayers unanswered by the Big Guy?
     MY prayers have always been answered.  You know why?  Because I pray to Satan.  Sure, I believe in Jesus and accept Him as my personal savior, but when I pray, I pray to the guy who can get things done, and I'm not talking about Donald Trump. 
     There's too much red tape with God.  Too many saints to get through.  Even the Virgin Mary has a say...  and she's a woman.
     Yes, I know, blood sacrifices can be a bit messy, and it's tough to get all those stains out, but think of all the innocent young virgins you'll have the opportunity to deflower.  You, too, ladies.
     I think Billy Joel--a personal friend of Satan's--said it best when he wrote about eternal damnation in the song Only The Good Die Young that he'd rather "laugh with the sinners, than cry with the saints."
     Think of Hell as a Carnival Cruise with Angela Jolie as your hostess...  only hotter.
   
     Satan!  He Works For You!

"He gave me everything I wanted, and more.  Too bad I didn't read the fine print."  --Selena

"Me, too."  --Selena's father

"When He said He wanted my first-born son, I guess he meant it."  --Eric Clapton on the 43rd floor