Turn With Me Now...

Turn with me now to the Book of Numbers.  Pay for forgiveness.

The glass ceiling's already been broken.  Nobody cares.  The only ones who care are the losers with all the excuses.

Ron Paul says he thinks we'll have a Latino president in his lifetime.  I'm hoping it's Jennifer Lopez.

Don't ever apopogize.  In my life I've only apologized about 12 times, and that was just for unwanted pregnancies.

My apologies usually went along the line of "Sorry, gotta go!"

Thinking there will eventually be a Hispanic president isn't such a big jump across the river.

Heck, even President Bush spoke Spanish.  Not very well, but that's how he spoke English, too.  Not very well.

I used the "C" word.  "Wait, you stupid clown!"

He said "I'm sorry," but it sounded like "Fuck you!"

"Achoo!"
"Shut up!"
"Achoo!"
"Shut up!  You're ruining everything!"

Why Are Jerks...

Why are jerks so appealing to women?

What I don't do well, I do often.

Tony Soprano will personally give you a tour of New Jersey.  You can't imagine the fun you'll have beng shot at by rival gangsters.

Like a dog looking for its bark.

Topless Bars:  Where marriages go to die.

But what do we do with all the homeless and mentally ill?  Easy, we just ship them off to San Francisco.

You'd better spit your gum out before you fight him.

As a kid, all you had to do to get out of trouble was act confused.

Still choosin'  Never losin'  Lalapaloozin'

And that, my friend, is the snap, crackle, and pop of rock and roll.